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黄西 Joe Wong on Letterman 03/30/2012 with English subtitle


Hi everybody. 

I see a lot of really cocky bumper stickers, you know, like "My son is an
honored student" or "This car climbed Mountain Washington". 
I surely want to see some humble ones, like "My son just moved back in with
us" or "I am on Facebook, I have two friends". 

So when I drive in certain states in this country, I have to have my papers
ready, because I am an immigrant.
Then I learned that the term "immigrant" has a negative connotation. I think
that's probably why on those immigration papers, the United States
government decided to call us "Aliens". 
Sound so much nicer you know: "Hey, we are not here to take your jobs, we
are just here to abduct you." 

I heard this from my car radio a program called "This I believe", where
people talk about what they really believe in, and I prepared some material
for that show. And I just want to share it with you guys tonight.

So "This I believe" by Joe Wong.

I believe that if you give a man a fish, he will be totally weirded out. 

And I believe that school closing is, for parents, kind of like the
Guantanamo Bay situation. 
In the beginning we are like "Yeah it is closed!" "Oh, no! They are coming

And I believe that "Dominos" is a terrible name for a chain restaurant.

And I believe that the most important thing that Chinese invented is paper,
because before that we only had rock and scissors. 

And I believed that laughter is the best medicine, but it's the worst
prescription. "Looks like you have pneumonia. Ha ha ha!"

And I believe that if I were to die in a car accident, I want it to be a
collision with a cement truck.  That way immediately after I die, there is a
statue of me. 

And I believe that when the lord comes back, he would be driving a car with
a bumper sticker that says "What would I do?" 
And he should have his papers ready, because his name is Jesus (pronounced
in Latin not in English because Jesus was not born in USA). 

And I believe that God is a woman, because she never forgets anything that
you've ever done. And she'd punish us with vengeance, only because she loves

Thank you so much!